07/26/2007

So I thought I was doing so well...then I had a horrific dose of reality. For the first time in nearly 19 months I was sitting in your seat Sean today. And I can't stop crying.

I was on my way to pick up dinner tonight when I came within a split second of being hit directly on the driver's door. I swerved across three lanes of traffic...that fortunately were empty...to avoid at the very last second a very serious accident. Now I can't stop the tears and I can't stop throwing up. It's the first time I found myself in the drivers seat during your accident and I can't seem to stop the movie.

This is so hard. I don't care what you call it...Post Traumatic Stress...Grief...I don't care. It sucks.

I'm so sorry kiddo. I hope that your accident was as quick as mine almost was today. I hope you only had the split second of "Oh F(*:" and then it was peaceful. I'm so sorry that you experienced any of this. I wish you hadn't. I love you Sean. I miss you more than I can say. If you can be close for the next couple days I sure need you. I love you.