The tears hit me when I least expect them. I don't know why I think they will ever completely leave me and I don't know why I'm surprised when they show up.

I had a great time this weekend as a Disco Diva but still found myself in helpless tears on the side of the road on Sunday. Why? A simple tshirt a walker wore - Live-Love-Laugh - and my mind skipped ahead to your bench Sean and the plaque I wrote with those words, and more.

I'm beginning to understand this journey doesn't have an end here and that I'm going to to have to face it every single day of my entire life - and while I'm so very glad that my tears somehow make your time here more real - I wouldn't wish this reality on my very worst enemy.

I miss you so much Sean. You feel a bit more distant than you used to be and I miss you. Please visit me if you can. Send a beautiful eagle or something else that I'll recognize. I love you. I'm trying my best to live my life in way that you would be proud of. Stay as close as you can. I need you...and I miss you so very much.